Mar 7, 2012

Not another blogger's fairytale.

I'm the biggest fan of fairy tales and I'm the biggest fan of happy endings.
I've noticed a lot of bloggers on here post their love story - which always seems to be a fairy tale. Lucky lucky you. I've also noticed some bloggers who are "happily single" or at least make it sound that way with names like "adventures of a single gal"  (Just a random name I came up with - if this is really YOUR blog name, credit!) Then we have bloggers who are in a long term relationships. Then there's me. I'm a hopeless romantic. Blogging about my story may just sound pathetic, but it's important to me. I date and once and a while fall hard for guy.

Dude #1: I don't even know what I was thinking.
Dude #2:  He was taken - he had a kid - he was cheating!
Dude #3: The guy I AM in love with

In the time that I've been a blogger, If I actually blogged about the guys I've ''fallen hard'' for, you would have heard the same thing I said about Dude #3- How "I'm absolutely in love with him, I'm going to marry him one day, we're going to have pretty babies, doesn't my first name sound perfect with his last?" Then a few weeks later you might have read "we were so perfect, we're meant to be for each other. I'm always going to love him. I don't think I'll ever be happy again." I think I've cried about each of them. Let me sum the tears up in just a few words...

Dude #1: for real WHAT was I thinking!?
Dude #3: Ok he was SO CUTE and FUNNY but this would have never worked out.
Dude #4:  Real reasons to cry.

Do you see the trend?  I once was convinced dude number one and two were the ones for me. I believed I loved them and believed I felt the feelings I have for dude number three for them. I didn't. I didn't love them. I was blinded.

Dude #3 IS SPECIAL. We grew apart and our relationship ended and he's moving far far away in one week, but I still haven't given up hope for us. I'm praying he gets in trouble with the law or something forcing him to stay in the City I live in. I'm praying for a miracle. The thing that makes dude #3 absolutely different from the others, in a way that I can write about him in my blog and not regret this looking back if the worst happens. The thing that makes him different and not part of the "what was I thinking" trend is that I honestly loved him, I wasn't blinded. What we had was special. In my heart he'll forever be my bunny and I'll be his muffin/pumpkin. I'll always have the memory of going to his work late at night thinking how sexy he is in his mechanic uniform. I'll always have the memory of us laying on his bed cuddling, play fighting and kissing. But my absolute FAVORITE memory I'll have is a couple weeks after our story first began. We were on a bench at his job - he took his hands in mine and we started talking about kids and marriage. It was awkward in a way of innocence. If it wasn't a couple weeks into it, I swear that would have been the perfect proposal. In that moment, I was certain we belonged together. Honestly, I still am. But life seems to being proving differently. I don't know what happens next. Where will I be and where will I go after he leaves? Besides being broken. Calling this a rant about a heart break would be an understatement because this isn't. If anything this is a rant about the first boy I ever truly loved. This is a rant about my first real relationship. My point is, whether this entry is me stating the sadness of the end or the sadness of an obstacle I will later include in my fairy tale story, This is important to me. This chapter is important to me. The first boy I've ever truly loved will always be important to me. This entry and part of my life is here to stay.

1 comment:

Jessica said...

Although I've been with my love for almost 4 years, I still haven't posted "our love story" yet because anything can happen. We aren't engaged yet, and even though I'm usually an optimist, I'm not comfortable posting about our story "just in case" the worst happens.