You know that friend you have, the one you talk to about everything, the one you've known for years, the one you call your "best friend". Well, you know that day when she comes to you and tells you she's met a boy and she really likes him, but she's nervous about what could happen and of course like everybody, she has worries and asks her "best friend" for advice and of course you talk to her and help her get through it and help her get through all her problems as a matter of fact but little did you know that she would forget you when that relationship took off. As immature as it sounds and as immature as it is, it happens. Even to the "best of friends" it happens. I've known of some people who thought it was normal - that all you need in life is you're spouse and your kids, because it is their own little world, their own little family, etc. But is that all they need? The people who blow off their friends, aren't they the same people you see married with kids who end up wanting more in life? EVERYBODY needs a friend. As serious as your relationship may be you can't revolve your life around when your boyfriend is busy so that you can make other plans with the friend, the one that was ALWAYS there for you. But that's what they end up doing "I can only hang out when he works or when he's busy" oh and then when you end up hanging out, they can't even put their phone down from talking to them. Besides the fact it looks desperate, it's also terribly rude. But it's okay I guess you were never a real friend anyway.
20 comments:
it's tough when this happens and i don't like it. you feel neglected and think - hello?! did you forget about me?!
This happens so much, and I'm sure that in my younger days, I was guilty of something similar. You ALWAYS need girl friends, even if you don't see them as much as you used to. The fact that she says she can only hang out when he's busy is really sad - maybe tell her that you're upset about that. Maybe she doesn't realize what she's doing!
Story of my life. I lost my oldest friend because of this. She did this to me multiple times and i finally had enough. Your true friends will not forget about you and will make time for you.
I guess I have bad luck because most of the female friends I had from my teen years until now have been like this. I have only had one male friend ditch me when he got a girlfriend but our friendship pretty much died after that. I think the key is talking to your friend and if they go crazy or say you're jealous, etc. then they aren't worth your time! xo
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I know exactly what your talking about! Some friends just disappear from our lives when they have a boyfriend... I'm never that sad about it, because if they would have been real friends, they would share their "new" life with me. So who cares ;)
somehow just stumbled across your blog, i think everyone must have experienced a friend like this. dont worry, they realise they have been idiots in the long run.
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i think every girl has met a "best friend" like this lol im your new foller do check out my blog aswell :)
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aww some of my friends are like these.. they have a bf then they disappear from the face of the earth. when they break up, she's always looking for you to cry on...
aw I understand what you mean, but sometimes it could also affect the guy your friend is going out with. He may not notice that you also need to spend time with your friends. The guy might be more attached as well. I'm in a relationship but I always try to meet up with my close friends for shopping and food =]
This article is so true. I treasure my friends who are still available for catch up once in a blue moon while there are few who are almost impossible to meet :p.
keep up the good write up.
i would like to share this in mine please. thanks.
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Yep. This always happens to me :| darn. It's so hard to tell them because i'm afraid that'll start a fight and i end up thinking maybe just maybe, i should get busy
Couldn't have wrote this any better than you. I also have had friends disappear when they meet someone. Sadly I have been the one to disappear as well. When I met my husband the world seemed to revolve around him.
Then reality hit me and I had missed hanging out with my friends. As I got older and had a kid, sometimes there isn't enough time to hang with friends but one can always make time. I would drop everything just to hang out with one of my friends.
We need friends in our lives no matter what their relationship status is. But we also can't be the ones to be walked all over as well. You done a good job writing this up.
I too am afraid of talking to them about "disappearing" so I'd rather just let the friendship fizzle out on it's own. One can always make new friends-especially when you have kids in school :)
yppp it happened with me too when my best friend got the boyfriend ... and i was the one who gave them space then they left me..
My gay male friends have NEVER EVER treated me like this... if it wasn't for gay men in my life I don't know where I would be. They have boyfriends too but invite me out, never treat me like I am in the way and never push our friendship aside for their men. By contrast I have now decided to refuse female friendship (not all) I do have a couple who are genuine but the majority have a weakness which disgusts me. I have been single for too long now, I know I sound bitter... but I was actually a really good person who people turned to all the time .reluctantly and for the last 2 years I guess I have become resentful and bitter that none of these people are around to help me when I want need a friend.. Most of my friends I have introduced to their men, not that they were ever short of attention but they forgot that I helped get them together. I remember being asked to a get the guy seminar.. this 'friend' had a spare ticket.. asked me to come along... within 1 week she found someone and on the afternoon before the event she tells me .. 'oh I can't come anymore I have a fella now'... not even a bit of moral support. Selfish.... so now I don't care.. girlfriends unfortunately will ALWAYS let you down! Straight men are just waiting for their opportunity. Gay men are great friends.. the best!! It's sad about weak women ...but true!!!!
I hear ya girl!!! I have lost (or am in the process of losing) two of my best friends to guys. I don't blame the men at all... They are not overly clingy to their girlfriends, in fact I think deep down they would love a bit of space. No guy wants to be smothered by his girlfriend. Anyway I am too going through this feeling of bitterness and resentment mainly because when I needed these two so called "best friends" they weren't there for me. It wasn't even "guy drama" that I was going through it was something much more serious (health issues) and they were both totally caught up in their little love bubbles to give me any time. That's when I REALLY needed them and I'll never ever forget how they left me in the dark during that difficult time. One of my "friends" hasn't even introduced me to her boyfriend (of one year) yet... Is that weird?! I'm supposed to be her best friend. Anyway I am slowly distancing myself from these people... I will not be second best. I've put myself down all my life but I refuse to anymore... They won't find a friend like me! Now all I need to do is find me some nice gay men to hang out with :)
I came across this site by boredom & I couldn't agree more. But it does blow. Too much of a shame, isn't it?
Even dudes are like that.
Good for you! I hope your relationship flourishes! :)
Some people just get wayy too attached that they don't let you have your own life, and then, friendships go to shit, the relationship becomes tense, & then it goes to shit, people think it was You who didn't want to be their friend anymore b/c of a relationship, it goes on.
So sad.
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